Rule 28: Not to be sniffed at

Living in the unprecedented time of the coronavirus requires unprecedented rules when it comes to observing and controlling lycralists.  This emergency legislation is passed with immediate affect.  Cyclists must be observed while out  at all times and we must not be complacent.  The following must be reported to the CCB without exception.

• People while out exercising, we have now noted, exhale nasal discharge on a regular basis.  This is lovingly referred to as the "snot rocket".  This is true of jobbers, as well as cyclists, but no one is interested in hearing about them
• While the Government has - bizarrely and without good reason! - stated cycling is "acceptable" as a form of exercise, further interpretation of the law is allowed if not encouraged.  That is to say cycling should be limited to any parameter you see fit.  Examples include not more than an hour, not more than 30 minutes, must be local, must not leave your street, cannot be more than 20 minutes from your house, and shouldn't cycle at all in case they have an accident.
• As KOCs cannot meet, neither can cyclists.  Therefore it should be reported if you see more than one cyclist together.  You do not need to establish if they are from the same household or are in fact cycling together, the statement that you saw a group of cyclists is enough.
• If it comes up a group of cyclists could be in the same household, please provide the stock answer of "they were all men in their 40s" to put this false claim to bed.

This rule will remain in place until The Cranlinati decide it is safe to relax such restrictions.  The next review of this law is scheduled for May, 2034.

Rule 27: Goldilocks and the three abreast

The Keepers of Cranleigh have an obligation to point out exactly what is wrong with cyclists; that's a given.  The advice can / should cover a complete range of complaints to ensure there is no doubt how annoying they are and therefore follow the "Goldilocks Rule".  I.e. a cyclist may be travelling too slow and too fast at the same time but NEVER at a speed that is just right.

 

Other examples can include;

• Lights that are impossible to be seen yet too blinky and be blinding
• Cyclists can be seen on the pavement but also on the road and not on the pavement

 

It is also important to point out that any KOC may, when delayed by a cyclist on their journey, stop and spend time informing the cyclist of these facts.