Rule 24: Go play somewhere else

Cyclists on our roads a full of all the threat indicated in the previous rules; and it is not enough to simply complain about them in the hope that they see the errors of their way.  No.  We must suggest alternatives.


The default position should always be "why can't they go and cycle in a field".  Completely impractical with their silly thin tyres - can you imagine!? - so it should keep them out of trouble for a while.  Other suggestions may arise in your local area.  Dunsfold Aerodrome is an acceptable choice, as is Goodwood Circuit, especially when debating events such as the Velo South (see rule 22).


All suggestions are good suggestions, as long as it keeps them off the roads and away from Market Day.

Rule 23: Back in black

Rule 14 established that cyclists should be made to wear hi-viz (amongst other things), but this rule is dedicated to the growing trend of wearing black or dark lycra. 


The basis being it acts as some form of magic cloak, making them incredibly hard to see.  I mean, how do expect us to rock out a drum solo to Phil Collins on the steering wheel AND pay enough attention to spot these camouflaged pedallers.


If they are wearing a black shirt, that is enough to warrent use of this rule.  Any attempt for the cyclist to be more visible (lights, reflectors, hi-viz helmet / shoes etc.) should be disregarded.

Rule 22: The Velo

This rule applies to the type of event that allows the privileged-lycracist Surely this is just Rule 8, I hear you say.  No. It is so much more than that; it is Rule 8 turned up to 11. 

 

For starters, this requires a separate group to ensure we remain focused and not distracted by other issues (such as providing recommendations for a plumber or telling people what time Sainsbury's closes). 

The group should remain closed to prying eyes to ensure and use of Rule 2 can be done so without challenge. 

The justification for not wanting the Velo should, externally, be along the following lines.

• Consultation; we were simply not given the chance to say "NO" to the event a year ago.  By not consulting us a year ago, this has deprived us of some quality lycra-bashing time.
• Informed; we were not informed.  This may seem strange as for us to be outraged we must have been informed, but no one has questioned this to date so use it.
• For profit; the companies running the show will make a profit.  In these small communities we work on a barter-based economy and profit is not allowed.

There are other concerns (animal welfare, elderly etc.) but they can't be taken up by the masses, so if not personally affected you can leverage the above grievances.


We should stress, at least externally, that this is not "anti-cyclist" but that doesn't mean we can't have some fun.  Rule 2 can flow freely and we can discuss the merits of; placing diesel / slurry on the road, letting loose livestock, parking in the street, use of barbed wire, piano wire, nails etc. etc.